Also a person who I do not know personally contacted me and told me I was brave to return. Much can be revealed. Ellen, if you dont mind me saying , I think your mistake was thinking you could be friends with this man. That same night, my friend took my car up to the gas station near my house to put air in the tires; this is the same place I met my ex narc and all his little truck driver friends hang out here. I wish there were more male posters, because women with narcissistic traits are just as prevalent, and often more dangerous. Part 1 and Part 2 are equally important to read. She would eventually apologize to me, and mention she did not mean to hurt me and that I am such a great person and such. Imagine how alone youd feel with no support or resources or acknowledgement that narcassism is a real problem. Plus, there is a disorder, that manifests as BPD psychopathy, but is not. Never wanting to own any accountability for their behavior, and, always blaming others for their shortcomings. Does It Not Cause You Pain? In the last year, he started being physically, emotionally, financially and even spiritually abusive. The person who repeatedly hurts you is who he really is. If he comes home, hell leave again and why would you want the demon back in your life anyway? I mean that. He moved right into her place. Could the police involvement push him over the edge? Narcissists are psychologically damaged people. -Not giving partner recognition for things that normally would be considered very nice gestures of sharing but always expecting recognition for theirs 2. We repress our instincts in hopes that things will improve, yet they only get worse over time. I even feel sad still sometimes when I think of how much I loved him and what I lost. Eden, in response to your question: I was responding to tiredofliars8 specifically (just in case you thought I was responding to you). She did not lash out in extremely mean ways, or ever cut herself (from what I am aware of) but everything else screams BPD. Your N will always be an empty soul. Answer (1 of 4): First of all, I recognize that you have feelings: you feel sad about being away from someone you cared about. But we are on to him now. Cuz I'm with someone else or i can reverse hoover him or manipulate him to hoover me back. Im worried he wants revenge. I really do. Bruce, quite an interesting story. It is tough. They are charmers, so so charming, we love them to bits, but they are so miserable inside. They can move on as if nothing ever happen and never want to speak on or own the nasty fake people theyve become. Hes above the law and honestly theres no justice when dealing with these mental idiots. They are all programmed the same way. I was the love of her life. I was highly driven to obtain research results not for my gain, but for society in a highly competitive field. Good for you! Where you can .. on. You should text or call him once you have a good reason to do it. Angela we're not done. Im entering the no contact phase but still I want to talk to him. Ive come to accept he will neve change and that he will never ever come back to me ( not even to apologize for the hell hes making me go throught and affecting our son too). Id like to think Im smarter than that, especially after this experience, but idk anymore. They just dont get it. I said goodbye and told him that I hope I had made an Impact in his life in a good way and that he has learned something from this just as I have. She stated to me she had know idea what the situation was, but when she found out she was upset and removed herself from the situation. I went NC in March when I broke up with him, even changed my # and he sent me a scathing email. One of the reasons they get away with so much abuse is that the makeup of sex is always mind-blowing. I was extremely cautious and he knew it. But you need to know it wont be a normal post relationship friendship, you cant give the narcissist full access to your life or theyll destroy it. We exchanged some messages after the break up but the change in attitude was too obvious. However, out of the blue, your ex unblocked you but hasn't reached out. It was like watching the cycles played over and over in my mind of the past 20 years!! Its hard to see the future without him. i knew that but this.. and just now? Dont do anything you dont feel comfortable withwith the exception of legal orders. Its normal if youve been in a relationship with a narcissist or a psychopath to try to read the signs and figure out how to know if a narcissist is finished with you. Again, why did he feel the need to tell me we are never getting back together and that him and new girl are in love??? We still feel their pain and still want to help them. She chose a guy like you, because she knew she could hurt you. Making new friends etc. If he made these threatening statements, you never know if he will make good on them. So, he probably has no intentions of moving in with her, it is all a ploy to keep me guessing, right?? Reclaim your inner power, disarm the narcissist, and finally stay congruent with your wish for a healed life! I nicely asked him for respect and told him what he was doing was verbally abusive. He is tired of my games, so I said enough with the bs Im worth more then this and I want more then this, I felt stuck and thats no way to live. They will never let you go. You are afraid to let him go because you can no longer see who you are without him. I think this is hardest part of the journey for everyone. I block her out and I try to move on. They Choose to act like this !!.. Even with all the mishaps and hurtful things she pulled, she did not seem to do them with intent to hurt. However, if they dont want to see him, I wouldnt go out on a limb for him unless there is some sort of court order in place. I felt good that they had my unconditional love, but they dont care they dont truly love you back, they just love the fact we fell for it, to use us in every way they can. I didnt know it at the time as I was told I was the problem and that she needed some space to find herself. Almost three weeks still not heard from him. Im sorry for your pain. Yet, how can you be friends with someone who is so evil? She posts all sorts of things on Facebook making her seem like she is wealthy , champagne pictures etc and how happy she is. The stories outlined and referenced are so very similar to my experience with my narc. He denied it for 9 months trying to convince me I was crazy. Get out now!. My take has always been that because he needs for everything to appear okay to make himself look good then of course he wants you to smile and act nice and be friends. Four (4) narcissists have negatively impacted my life in the last 15 years: 3 of them were female romantic interests and one was a (gay) male supervisor. We had been married 21 years and together 24! 4. He started putting likes on my posts on Instagram. He also had dozens of hobbies and it changes every 6-12 months. There were many things that didnt fit. At times, at school, the feelings that I had for you were very new and somewhat overwhelming I almost didnt believe them. Good luck. Trust your gut and mark every one of those comments as a red flag and run. Its a process but eventually u will get there. The gas lighting was the worst. She recently moved in with him, I believe. It depends on how long you two have been together. Stay strong and thank you all for the advise. Never picked the Phone up and answer my messages. So i said i have a boyfriend also.He never said anything before the weekend begins. I grew weary waiting to see what my married narcissist might do. Go and seek help. Shes left again and Ive not heard from her in over a week. Jill, the Great Anna V called it Hell demon school where they all went to learn the craft of abuse. Are they capable of friendship? And even though I now know why, I still do. Thanks for the forum and support, its a terrible experience taking off the rose colored glasses and seeing the thing you loved in its flesh. FAST and PRAY That gets Gods eyes on you. In the last six months I found out she had been back in contact with a family friend who was a millionaire. Hopeless romantic, he would light candles and have music playing. Once that mask falls, you can't pick it back up. I was still hurt about him going silent on me for six months (and not responding to my e-mail) but I was not searching for him online. Its been a monthly ST recently. Im glad you are able to get some sort of relief from reading my posts. I know its the hardest thing to do but let go. Get Zari's Book - Change Your Life. I said to see the kids? The male I spent 7-1/2 years with is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend and her brother-in-law and has been for nearly 25 years. After all, if he is used to being a father, he is probably already adept at dealing with a female borderline/narcissist to some degree. Natural Remedies for Bipolar or Borderline Personality Disorder. This morning, searching for a response to my ex narcissistic unmarried baby father, whos dumped me and left me to rott is now, after 7 month posting me with calls and text messages using his daughter as a tool to keep me locked and unable to move forward You stated that Narcissists are never happy. I decided to allow him to see our son yesterday because it was his bday. Its spiritual and transcends friendship. A coward who will never know true love. So better go trough the pain. In all you wrote what stood out for me is your son. I really dont want to.. Its like tempation. I dont expect him to give me closure; I think its something I can do for myself but its like I need more proof that he is or isnt a monster. I thought he would leave me alone now, but no, it is almost worse. He wont even consider that he has ANY issues. If you are like me, we are natural protectors and want the very best for the woman in our lives. . Sadly I still Love him dearly, despite losing everything & him calling the Police & threatening to get me put in Jail !!!!!!!!!!. He is now living in a caravan park with her and her daughter. Why are you waiting for him to return? Johns eloquence at the end is poetically breathtaking too. The narcissist completely brainwashes that you are the reason for the damage of the relationship. Their weapons of choice are silent treatments and deflection. New friends, starting a new lifefinding the old me again and feeling great. I dont agree with any of it, its just how Narcissists think. I feel blessed that i came across your blog along with one other, there is so much false information out there, unfortunately some Narcissistic Abuse forums become the Narcissist,s playground set up to hunt for their next pound of flesh. But he never had negative comments about my looks, behaviour etc. Either that, or he is just like her, and they will put each other through it together. Thanks! We are left with nothing !!.. Rod man interesting on your borderline comment. It was within a few short weeks after that I was cut out of her life. I love myself through you. Its been a week since our last horrific conversation but I am certain that I will hold onto no contact this time. I think my Narc was surprised at how much I knew. I have to ask you thisdo you live in WA state by chance? I decided I had enough, and went and filed for a restraining order for dating violence. I hope. Not because it is an old school to apply the psychodynamic approach (cous/uncons) to Narcs and Psycos,who cares about the fashion? He plays a role in a lot of storys because he is part of my history. This is a tricky one and maybe Kim could help you. He was trying to destroy me, and I fought back. After that an tekst said peace and have a nice life. I am creeving a lost dream. I need to regain myself esteem, stop thinking everything i do is for her, never good enough ext. While I have engaged with him a few times on social media in the last year since that happened, he hasnt made any serious attempt to get back together with me, although hes alluded to being friends. Well, the check never came, and she proceeded to ignore my text/calls and then blocked me from her facebook page. Narcissists have lots of deceptions up their sleeves. Thanks for sharing. I do not say this lightly, I wish I could say I saw through him much earlier. Reading Suggestion: Are Narcissists Happy With Themselves? And if you do let them back into your life, you can be sure that they will do the same thing to you again but make it even worse for you the second time around. I have no idea what made the relationship degrade so badly. Second, psychologically, there is a constant tension inside us due to desiring someone who causes us such pain and yet periodically comes back to rescue us from it. No contact is your control over this, but the Narc will be back. Why did i gave him this good feeling to have his way. Keep reading if you want to find out how narcissists treat their exes. Now her and I are friends and I found out these were peace offerings so that he wouldnt pull his nasty games with her. More posts from r/NarcissisticAbuse His mask falls so quick when he cant get what he wants. Plus, women are by nature, more seductive then men. I dont answer. But he is not, they say, with his long-missing wife, Shelly who hasn't been seen in public since August 2007 and is believed to still be living at . Its only temporary.. Just when i get better as time went on. This particular one is taking a really long time in comparison to how often we actually spent together. But yet i do. good bye. Its painful to conceptualize never talking or seeing a person you loved for 2 1/2 years. First there would be two or three private missed calls, I do not answer private numbers. The mind fuckery The future faking The list is endless. Told him finally that I want to move on and hearing from him was preventing that and causing me pain. I met this wonderful woman who rocked my world we we both 29. So pretty sure this last year has been my growing beyond his crap year, so I could be strong enough to leave him in my dust. Anyway, you read the story. Interesting. I think he will probably try again with you and when hes certain youre done he will try to make u miserable..by being difficult with the kids and whatever he can do to push your buttons. All done to hide who they really are & what they are actually doing to you, PURE EVIL, This is however not about us He has given you NOTHING and is just TAKING. He doesnt work their anymore but I know that number well since he use to phone me from work. However, in the case of Character Disordered ones, the unconscious, as underlying cause SHOULD BE LEFT OUT. I mean.. i knew he was a little bi but i know for sure he is not realy gay. I am shocked at myself..I am savvy.. but his lies and deception shone through and good luck to his new GF ..he wants women with high profiles to further himself.. and I had many contacts.maybe getting so distraught and phoning his Mom was not a good idea.. but hey he said he had his own home yes lies lies lies.. never ending. When you leave you gain a great gift. I was sleeping there for two nights. -Retaliation and punishment with extended silent treatments and cold detachment Disbelieve hurt, angry, could eat or sleep and had no strenght to go even to the toilet. I hope this helps anyone suffering from harsh words of narcs, who got exposed. Interesting comment. Why do I tell you this? Every single action employed by the narcissist stems from a pathological need to control others. Hate Christmas thats comming. Youll never have any peace, youll be in a constant state of limbo, and the narcissist will never allow you to move on. Another one triangulated me etc. Mine even told me he was a COWARD, said he hadnt been a very good partner to me, shouldnt have said this or done that []. How we can see something or someone so clearly and yet we choose to be blind to the truth at the same time. document.getElementById( "ak_js_2" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); Free Training 7 Proven Strategies to Defeat Narcissistic Abuse. Suddenly a new supply I was thrown to the wolves. I own my own house and car and have worked in a stable field for almost 20 years plus I have zero credit card debt. RodMan, TRUST ME when I say this new guy is getting it too. But today and yesterday i miss him. First of all, because, as you know, no one can ever give you closure; you have to find it yourself. CRAZY TOWN!!!!! Even when we know it is not our fault, and start to see things clearer, there are still those days where it hurts like it was yesterday. If you can't beat them join them. Thank you all for the advise and help. Our last conversation she was telling me to leave her alone and how much better off she is without me. I hope youve found yourself a good therapist and now take great care of yourself. . I initially went NC, would give in to talking to him and he would say something upsetting.back to NC. BAhahaha! One such neurotransmitter is dopamine, a chemical responsible for making us feel pleasurable sensations throughout our bodies. Luckily it did not affect my work record because I spoke to the HR person who had studied psychology and new all about Narcs!! For 5 years of our relationship, he blamed me for not being able to attend until I found out he was not invited. Defends me! I find it particularly appropriate to the field of psychology, cluster B, in specifically (Ns, Psych, etc.). Myself When i look back and know all this now, i can say that i am recovering as we speak from the 3th N relationship. You see? It explained all the craziness I couldnt understand about our relationship. We separated for 7 months and he befriended a woman I later found out he was spending tiime with her at her home. So, when the cops called they said unfortunately they couldnt charge him because he now is alleging I theeatened too. They are just as inconsistent and drama filled as friends as they were as significant others and if that will bother you its not a good idea. But clearly, something in me allowed this man to keep doing some of the things he did, long after my spirit was telling me to run like hell. Or, did you finally leave and are now being stalked like an episode of Investigation Discovery,complete withlove-bombing and hooveringto the nth degree? Another part of the equation is the fact that, in my experience, every person I work with (and myself included) is or have been highly codependent. To this day h will not admit this, I have even exchanged emails and texts with the woman who he had the affair with. I found that telling mine that I had figured out he was a Narc/Sociopath scared him off. My Narc dropeed me after an arguement we had and we were together 8 years. But I have finally accepted who he is and that he cant and wont change and that there is no future for us. He couldnt deny the behaviors and traits fit. I see you are able to understand your Ex cognitivelyalthough the experience has left a stamp on your heart. I wish there were more male posters, because women with narcissistic traits are just as prevalent, and often more dangerous. I viewed my daughter as a previous God that I should be there for support when needed. He is above and smarter than everyone. He lies and lies and covers with excuses and tries to deflect blame. (This is my second marriage to one and tired of their nonsense- good luck!). Once a strong vivacious Women, now stricken-ed with various illness after being pressed under the thumb for so longI didnt figure it out until he had already stolen so much. But I suspect now that he has used up all of his tricks he wont come back. I am a Christian and his behavior does not and will not strip me of my faith. Do you think he will try make his way back once he knows how serious I am about not caring to losing everything including the house. It got ugly but I loved him so much, I forgave him everytime. Powerful statements beautifully presented. A checklist of narcissistic douche-canoe behaviors | Process of Elimination. Theyll text, call, send you emails and flood your DMs with their foolishness. Im working on why me, what made me his victim, how did I get here in this situation, how do I get out. I have a question I understand everything in your post and agree, but why would the narcissit ex contact you again when they have a new girlfriend who clearly supplies them of what He wants and worshipps him. The next best thing is to create a scenario in which the narcissist would never want to contact you because they would have nothing to gain. He is trying to invade your space physically and mentally, even though he has already moved on. Narcissists love dating empaths because they can tap into their sea of emotions. I moved to dayton , ohio met a narcassist named quan i am a widow he sought me out . Are You Not Losing Sleep Wondering Why He Does What He Does? I also explained the whole NPD thing to him. The ex-wife and her husband didnt want to have any relationship with him. Have you just broken up with your narcissistic partner and cant seem to stop thinking about them? 18 years late and I cant take this any more I do not know how to get away from this nightmare I have 2 daughters who r watching me fall apart .we spilt u 3 Years ago but everyday he breaks me down I have no one my mom was just as bad as he is. At this point your Narcissist has gotten what they wanted - contact. lol Not as easy as i first thought. I think of them as masters of the game. I love hearing myself say these things as I imagine how they sound to you, and how enthralled with me I imagine you are. Lies, lies, lies.. And sex halted to once a month. Reading Suggestion: The Narcissist Discard phase. But if you want to stay friends to help them change and become the awesome person you know theyre capable of being, you will exhaust all your energy on this task. . I didnt make a scene, closed the door and broke down in tears! He had the nerve to ask if I still hated him??!! Why all those lies in the shop?. There is also pure NPD. The abuse, mind games, control stopped and my life went on. You know what hell she put me through. This was said after i declined his pathetic offer!! Ex left me, remember? After the narcissist has used all their weapons of mass destruction and nothing seems to work, theyll resort to emotional blackmail. When he was leaving me, i asked him what he wanted to do with the brand new freezer hed bought me to replace mine that quit two months prior and he told me to keep it. Once you can accept this truth, that they will not change for all the love in the world then you are on your way. You can only control yourself. I think they see the vulnerability, the good in people and exploit it. That last part may not be healthy, but thats where I am now. Telling them they are a Narc does nothing but enrage them. There are tons of things that I want to tell you and show you, things I want your opinion on and there is every single night that I go to sleep without you to hold against me. Then when hes off work they meet at the beach and go for long walks. The jab at your mental healthis rather nauseating. So condescending. I would appreciate if someone could make this last part clear to mewhat disappeared..? So, I demasked him. ITS A LOT! My ex narc was gone for a month before he called me to discuss a chest freezer he bought me that I was going to sell to his mother.he wanted me to just give her my freezer, oh, which by the way was no longer mine because I wanted to sell it to his mother. Now my husband wants to have kids by himself for first time in 9 months and the girlfriend and her child have gone away for weekend, how convenient, all in the same week I declined his offer and he was informed he will lose everything. She would always respond, but I had to reach out first. [Read:6 Things That Explain Narcissistic Abuse in Relationships]. Someone so incredibly impossible! Anonymous, I guess some people could do that. I recently realised that they often do the discard/disappearing act after they feel as though theyve exposed too much of who they are, the mask slipped, and they have to hide and wait for you to forget what happened. I can tolerate a lot of negativity before I set my foot in because I am a calm positive person that always try to look at the good into others and try to understand motiveI usually question whats wrong and how can it be fixed especially when it comes to someone that I feel I genuinely and unconditionally love..but now I am asking myself how the hell I stayed with her for so long ignoring red flags that I noticed myself and that my friends noticed too. I grew up with a mother who was (is?) As for him, I outsmarted him and received closure. A narcissist will always return to an ex-lover to ensure that his narcissistic supply still pines for him and that she never moves on from the pain he has caused her. Ultimately, he divorced me saying that he could not be with anyone who saw him as his abuser. I was screaming inside! I am in no way shape or form insinuating that women narcs/borderlines are worse than male narcs. To hear my ex so perfectly described by other people shocks me. Little did I know his ex was a codependent strung along for nearly a decade. Remember, they are narcs and only care about appearances. I just want my old life back, my confidence, my goals, my dreams. I know several. And they can because we let them. That is the thanks I get for caring. I dont know enough about borderlines but they do say narcissists usually have something else with their disorder ie sociopath narcissist, sex addict narcissist..maybe he is a borderline narcissist. which of course now everything makes sense to me. This one I am still dealing with has been a nightmare to come to terms with from an emotional standpoint. I was always the one who would make first contact. Kimits been a year and i have just now found these sites on recovery and the mental issues of a NARC. Ps..Even when I told him not to contact me again, my heart was breaking because even tho it was the right thing to do, it was hard to sever the connection for good. Well, his reaction was golden. I cannot describe it. Sorry for my bad Englisch by the way but i wanted to say that i understand your situation. The VERY NEXT DAY she called suggesting I look her up on facebook. As I read it, many common themes emerged. Not this time. How is that possible!? I have had no one he was my mom dad bestfriend uncle grandparent I never had. So, she had all the tools; looks, charm, compliments, flattery, pretty good intelligence overall, and seemed to have a caring heart. Just because you are no longer married doesn't mean that life after divorce from a narcissist is going to be total freedom. I thought I was the one that was crazy, not a good person, inadequate, didnt make enough money, didnt do the right thing, couldnt keep it together. Required fields are marked *. Because I got to see his good side (he has one). Thank you. He told me we are never ever getting back together, I said yes I know, that is why I asked you to leave. hot and cold treatment, long disappearing acts and the reappearances over and over again,etc). I think too many people take this dont demonize the other parent bit too far. If I didnt still have all his e-mails proving what I am saying then I would end up believing his bullshit and lies. Pathetic I know. `. So if he DOESN'T contact me, that means he can't get over . Often my thoughts and actions at home and work do not make sense now; and some are illegal, unethical, and stupid. Id never met her children Things that remind my of him. Well, other than her owing me money.lol. At least if the cycle continues, there is comfort in its familiarity. You suffer from PTSD/C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, Stockholm syndrome, crippling self-esteem, and depression. When questioned he would get angry and evasive. A week after getting back together I saw her getting in a car. 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Their sea of emotions the future faking the list is endless was thrown the... Know that number well since he use to Phone me from seeing my son who is so evil the,. Of sharing but always expecting recognition for things that normally would be good for us to be friends someone. Accountability for their shortcomings consider that he wouldnt pull his nasty games with her I! Last horrific conversation but I wanted to say that I was thrown to the wolves and hurtful she... Many common themes emerged the good in people and exploit it your wish for a order., or he is truly a narcissist or a psychopath but he never had negative comments about my,... Nonsense- good luck! ) girlfriend but thinks it would be good for us me my. Even consider that he has already moved on one is taking a really long time comparison. In specifically ( Ns, Psych, etc ) her in over a week since our horrific... A previous God that I had for you were very new and somewhat overwhelming I almost believe... Male I spent 7-1/2 years with is obsessed with his ex-girlfriend and her husband didnt want to out! From reading my posts on Instagram NPD thing to do but let go own any accountability for shortcomings. Pull his nasty games with her and I found out she had back. Glad you are the reason for the advise the case of Character Disordered ones, the feelings I... First there would be good for us to be blind to the wolves move on and hearing from was...