"What is your wish, genie?" breaking the fast or iftar dinner 1710839383. the doctor asked. "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through.". Give us this day our daily bread. a place where love extends. the policeman asked. And trying to hack his way out of the rough, Bill had dug a trench a foot deep. Witty Dining in night Graces. our prayer. Log In | Now that you've released me, I'm allowed to grant three wishes. Blessed art Thou oh Lord our God ! 11 replies 19.8K views. "No kidding. Let slaves rejoice, for their Master is born. Thank you, Jesus, for them all. What do you say?". Ray said. "Consider it done," the genie said. "Well," Chuck said, "I think I'll try opening my stance a little.". Is this something I can fix myself or should I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it? The host or hostess is traditionally the one who says grace. Even at a multi-generational meal, the homeowner of the house where everyone has gathered is the host. Tom was startled. Marvin was a 14-handicapper, but one day he walked up to his club pro, a scratch golfer, and challenged him to a match. As he kneeled at the pew, Tom whispered a prayer: "Oh Lord, thank you for everything - my health, my wife and my golf game. Love to laugh and good at it. But Dan keeps searching, and finally spots something shiny down below. The team of archeologists had been toiling deep in the Amazon jungle for months and months, clearing choking undergrowth away from the faint traces of the great Lost City. Lee looks at his friend with great disappointment. "But," Marvin said to the pro, "since you're so much better than me, you have to give me two 'gotchas'. Do you have style & grace? Miguel and Wesley are playing golf at their favorite course, but on every hole they are being held up by a twosome of women who are always half a hole ahead. 175 Posts. Line by beautifully-simple line, let's work our way through the Prayer Before Meals. Gary agrees, and they start their rounds. It was just a few degrees above freezing, and the rain was coming down steady and icy cold. "Would you like to join us and make a foursome?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. Hiatt+ He said something about winning a trophy & sticking it up Tigers bl##ck arse! Bud doesn't have to think about his answer. Our table is not bare We now pray for a righteous husband and father, to sit at the head of our table, in the big daddy chair. To god we give our thanks and praise. He took a few practice swings, and looked across the river to the immaculate private country club nearby. Dear lord, for drives that soar, and chips that hold. ", "Yeah," his wife replied, "and can you believe my idiot husband went golfing?". Ray and Debra looked at each other, and whispered back-and-forth for a few seconds. Holi. A man was reclining on the couch. He returns to the green quickly, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. "No, not yet. Carpenito 12/23/07+ Father, Praise You for friendship and family! Blessed art Thou oh Lord our God "Rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub.". softly,and clean-up after myself,and when I'm playing scramble,where I learn that I have friendsto make up Depending on which mess, I suggest one does NOT use a prayer in Latin in the WO & Sgt's Mess (except if the congregation are young and not crusty, or if the RSM sanctions it before hand). Dutifully, he did. Feedback | If you help me and I make this shot, I'll sleep with each one of you! But once at the course, he knew he was beat. Thank You for bringing us together on Christmas day to share a meal. "I was walking around among the cows," DeShaun explained, "when I spotted something white on the backside of a heifer. May this meal bring us strength and health. And may your Thanksgiving dinner. to those more qualified. Funny Single quotes. A medical friend when suddenly asked to say grace at a dinner intoned in a suitably serious voice:-. "That was the most touching thing I have ever seen. humorous grace before meals golf. 7. Found inside Page 372I made arrangements, before I left the office, to have a copy of the press conference delivered to the house this evening. is this thing that You call man. The scenic setting inspires a real appreciation for the beauty of God's creation. I only know the one from boarding school that goes: for what we are about to receive may the lord . You can't get out of this stuff with an 8.". the man exclaimed. Who is he going to tell?". nonsmoker. He drifts onto a deserted island, where he is stranded, all alone. The ball took once bounce and landed on the green, kept rolling, swung to the right, barely crept up to the hole, and fell in. "I'm sorry. the fog, beneath the mist,that drifts across the ground,You twirl Your mighty finger,and spin this world around.The Ready to laugh, then? Another player spoke up: "My company has a reserved tee time at that club for us every Sunday morning, and it's all paid for, too. It was something the golfer had tried hundreds of times without success. Then a fire truck, that was racing to a fire, smashed into the pileup! But just then, God waived his hand and created the perfect little wind. PRAYERS MENTIONING FAMILY AND FRIENDS. And, if it be your Will, a good score "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away.". of the LORD for ever. Dear earth who gives to us this food, Dear sun who makes it ripe and good, Sun above and earth below, Our loving thanks to you we show. Before I start my speech, the management of this hotel have asked me to point out that the sign in the gents 'Wet Floor,' is a warning not an instruction. ", "None that plays golf very well," a cardinal repied. "I'll walk ahead and ask them if we can play through," Wesley said. Gary asks. The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime . ", Dan replies, "Bring me my 7-iron. Almighty God, as we play through our 18 holes of life, we pray that you will give us a drive that's both long enough to reach our goals, and yet straight enough to keep us out of trouble. Found inside Page 155Conversations Long-standing dinner parties - professional singles. "It's simple," the interpreter said, relaying the elder's response. We're very sorry about that," Ray replied. The ones included here are longer jokes, more of the "story" kind of golf joke. "That'd be too much of a coincidence.". Let free men rejoice, for their . We can offer to make him a cardinal, then ask him to play the Israeli prime minister as your personal representative. !Thou hast made the sand, the grass the trees,and gently in the tallest oak,You waft a gentle breeze.You drew The mermaid opens the vest she's wearing, reaches in and pulls out an ice-cold beer. He said something about winning a trophy & sticking it up Tigers bl##ck arse! This was my favourite prayer before food growing up. ", A wife and her husband are sitting around one evening, just talking, when the wife suddenly asks, "If I died, would you re-marry? God is always with you and always loves you. Lord, we know without a doubt you'll bless this food as we pig out. Canadian Conference of Catholic Bishops. I recall being creased up with laughter at some of the brilliant ones I've heard, but I'm not able to penetrate the port-driven haze and remember any of them! The doctor was incredulous. BlueSkiesGolf $29.95 Golfer Prayer Hand Embroidery in Frame TYDbyAllisonKane (76) $100.00 FREE shipping Vintage 1989 "Golfer's Prayer" Kitschy Cute Framed Cross Stitch "You have one wish left," the genie continued, "but I want to ask you a favor. the bubbling little brook.You painted the placid pond.You sigh the deepest twilight. Jim-Bob asked, "I lost it in the sun." God's Grace. That we may share in the song of the angels, The gladness of the shepherds, And worship of the wise men. "I would, but on one condition," replied the lovely young woman. The husband runs off as fast as he can to find a doctor. Lengthen their woods and straighten their irons. Stay off your thighs! the golf pro asked, "what's that? Every single Sunday morning for years. Prayers. Miguel started up the fairway, only to stop halfway and turn back. the wife valiantly asks. Incited by my wicked diet. "One of them is my wife and the other is my mistress! Amen. After she was adopted by Todd and Noreen Weaver of Midland, the family decided to keep this song as part of the children s. That driver's car went out of control and spun into a guard rail, where five other cars hit it. Brent Kelley is an award-winning sports journalist and golf expert with over 30 years in print and online journalism. Lord, bless this food and grant that we. Ray and Debra both cringe. Heard a good multi-cultural blessing a while back; Not strictly a grace, but my favourite benediction is: No longer for satisfaction shall they wait, Do Not Sell or Share My Personal Information, http://www.pprune.org/forums/showthread.php?t=81297. You twirl Your mighty finger, You sigh the deepest twilight. Grace Before Meals: Mealtime Prayers. For what we have now set before us, let us praise the Lord. But Dan is determined not to take a penalty stroke, so he grabs his 8-iron and starts descending into the ravine in search of his ball. Wesley asked when Miguel got back. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful and my putting was perfect. "And you'd lie to me, too? Other religions, such as Islam, Judaism and Hinduism have similar traditions involving prayers before a meal. Work With Us | The call was made. Right now, if I make this putt, I'll have par for the course, and I'm asking for your advice. Gathered together below are a number of short prayers for meal times from different traditions of the Christian faith, featuring Anglican and Celtic graces (including the "Selkirk Grace"). Food For Thought. Every Sunday morning, he headed to the golf course. The interpreter turned to the archeologist, who waited with great anticipation. 22 August 2008 at 7:07PM in Special occasions & other celebrations. Amen! You see, I'm a genie, and I've been trapped in that bottle for a thousand years. "What happened? The kiddos will follow a treasure hunting map performing fun tasks and collecting stickers and other items, before receiving their bag of "treasure" at the end; Sunday at 2:30pm. 123360 , 1262 , 1265 Grace at meals , 966 , 984 Graham , Billy , 2015 Grandmas , 234 , 1309 312 Index. "What matters most it that your health is blessed, and we shall all pray for you today.". 113 Likes. Their wonderment grew with each passing day as they revealed more of what had been hidden by the jungle for millennia. Help | "Well what makes you so sure I'm cheating and lying, anyway?" Kisser Bless the meat damn the skin open your kisser and cram it in' Good Good. Everyman 2000. be well up So when my game of life is playedAnd my clubs are laid aside, No matter what mistakes Ive ", "You know I love you, honey," Ray replied. Tom was getting on in years, and one day after feeling ill, he said to his wife, "I sure hope there is golf in the afterlife. God, What is my fascination with this game? BIGCSSHOP (author) on September 11, 2010: Thanks LeslieAdrienne, I'm glad you liked it. preparest a line before me in the presence of mind hazards:Thou anointest my stroke with confidence; the cup will not We follow the Quaker tradition of "silent grace" before meals: All present join hands in a circle around the table, and are silent for perhaps a minute. O God, who made the earth round and hurled it into space with infinite power and accuracy, bless us who are gathered here tonight, whose aim it is to imitate your divine action on the golf course. to make up for what I lack, ", "OK," Miguel said with understanding. We pray that this may be, dear God, He always picked out one that had a cut or a nick, as did many other "average" golfers when negotiating very challenging holes. ", So Tom headed to church. To god we give our thanks and praise Brian, you are like an oracle! the wife asked, a bit surprised. ", I simply ignored the guy and kept concentrating, when once more, the voice yelled, "Would the man on the woman's tee back up to the men's tee. ", "Well, we surely hope you are feeling better soon," said the deacon. #6. Athletic competition is a very human endeavor. "Lord bless the meat and bless the spuds and make us swing like Tiger Woods". Front Page Artwork Antiques Apparel Emblems Lapel Pins Masonic Rings Jewelry Supply Shopping Cart Masonic Graces As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball.". My wife has been going out with "the girls" a lot recently although when I ask their names she always says, "Just some friends from work, you don't know them.". Found inside Page 154Gifts like these are fun to make and wonderful to receive. Found inside30 something SWCF ISO SWP, N/S, athletic male 35-45 to share fun and companionship. "I can't hit that shot. SOMEONE (Tune: Tavern in the Town) Found inside Page 368 430 707 , 1203 , 1208 Guest , 516 , 1131 Government , United States , 628 Guest , dinner , 1177 Government bureau , 819 Guest , hotel , 538 Governor , 919 Guest of honor , 831 1023 Gown , wedding , 725 Guest towel , 369 Grace . The men were wondering who would have the nerve to give her advice! The mermaid opens her vest even more and pulls out a Tatuaje Cigar, which Bud lights up immediately with the lighter the mermaid also gives him. His full hand supplies their need. A Golfers Home. And finally, when we've putted out on the 18th green, we pray that we will have demonstrated the integrity of our character, so that you will judge us worthy enough to join your threesome and play eternally on your heavenly course. Traditional prayers are always wonderful, but singing grace adds such a fun . Tony Amen. Like. The pot builds throughout the day until they reach the 18th green, where Charlie has a chance to putt for dough. Amen. The usual signs. Thank you for the blessings you have showered upon us. "Hey Brandon, get over here, I got trouble down here! Our Services | Charlie steps away from his ball, sets down his putter, takes off his hat and places it over his heart, and waits for the funeral procession to completely pass. 39, with warmth, wit and integrity, seeks warm, pretty, unpretentious woman with humor, grace and heart. Although I was honored to have been asked to return thanks, I really wasn't sure what I should pray about. There are also some good biblical examples of thanksgiving prayers for food, two short dinner prayers to say before eating, an ancient . Founder & Pres. A Golfers Gifts of grace that heaven lends. Bob was a religious golfer. The pros drive the ball out over the water onto the small green that is on a small spit of land. Countless blessings our God sends. A Breakfast Prayer. Thank you for this food, may you bless it to our bodies. help me to realize that that You call man.Can this be an island, Lord ?A place of grace and charm.Away from daily trouble Lord,away Marvin was a 14-handicapper, but one day he walked up to his club pro, a scratch golfer, and challenged him to a match. I believe in giving. preparest a line before me in the presence of mind hazards:Thou anointest my stroke with confidence; the cup will not Being funny is serious business. Carpenito 12/23/07+. He played golf every Sunday religiously, but only after attending church services. Bob was a religious golfer. "You've got it, it's the least I can do. Scuba Certification; Private Scuba Lessons; Scuba Refresher for Certified Divers; Try Scuba Diving; Enriched Air Diver (Nitrox) These are my notes from his retirement dinner: BASIL PROUDFOOT RETIREMENT DINNER Date Friday 28th February 2003. He got up early and drove out to the course, hoping the weather would improve by the time he hit the first tee. It didn't matter what the weather was like. "Well, no," says the nun. "Did your ball fly over the trees and off the course?" A Simple Thank You Will Do. Four golfers who like to gamble wind up in the same foursome. ", As soon as he finished, a voice thundered: "Tom, this is the Lord. DeShaun staggered into a hospital emergency room, badly battered and bruised. "As the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!". So grant me strength that I may not fall, Into the clutches of cholesterol. "C'mon," Gary says to Lee, "help me find my ball. "Well, Your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. Jim-Bob showed up at his golf club one day to discover that the club had begun a program using seniors as caddies. An Irish friendship wish - fill the hearts of friends. Open our minds and hearts to the lessons this game can teach us about life.. that we shouldn't give up after a few bad holes, because things will probably get better if we just keep trying. "Found my ball!" Abdominal Pain Years After Hysterectomy, But on the ninth green, something terrible happens. Everyman 2000. Unknown. On the first tee, Lee turns to Gary and says, "What do you say we make this time worth something. "I'm dying over here and you're putting!?" A husband and wife head out to the golf course to play golf together for the first time. And. Living water, daily bread. After all, their future was more than secure. please?!?! Before Dinner Grace? 10 Grace before meals prayer 1) Our heavenly Father, we come before you today to thank you for the food we are about to eat. "What matters most it that your health is blessed, and we shall all pray for you today.". "The fire truck couldn't make it to the fire, and the building burned down! The best example of democracy I can recall is five wolves sitting down to dinner with one sheep. Jim-Bob and his caddie started up the fairway in the direction where the old man said he'd seen the ball. But they are in terrific physical shape, and we're just trying to help them earn a little extra money, get some exercise and stay young.". of life, help me to realize that my greatest opportunities to learnare actually when I am in the rough, where "We're both 35," Debra responded breathlessly. your putts be short and true, and,May there ever be a bit of green grass under every lie. "I was playing golf with my wife," DeShaun replied. When they open the door, the damage caused by Debra's errant shot was obvious. People such as robin XXXXX, XXXXX carrey, jack black, zach galinafikas, read more. They reach the 6th hole, where Dan slices a ball into a thickly wooded, deep ravine. "Consider it done," the genie said. Blessings on our meal. After about three hours of non-stop action, the genie rolled over. For putts that drop when hit too bold. Let us be together; let us eat together. Spotify Contact Number Uk, If he accepted the gift, he would have to miss Sunday worship. Later, on the beautiful practice green, the preacher fit right in but couldn't help feeling conspicuous. By Anonymous, from Sarah McElwain's "Saying Grace." Group Graces: 1. I would strongly urge you not to follow in the foot steps of Steve Williams !! Amen -- A T (Sandy) Morton on the Bicycle Island In the Global Village http://www.millport.net John 17 years ago "No way," James said. ". "Everybody's already agreed to let him play through.". Cpa Trusts And Estates Near Illinois, Seriously, there's no reason not to use the grace prayer of your parents. A place of grace and charm. ", Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the &!#&%#%! Jim-Bob asked, "I thought you said you saw where it went.". Is it the outdoors the green fairways, the blue skies, the lakes and trees, Looking directly into Debra's eyes, he asked, "How old are you and your husband?". made May I have qualified. Dear Lord, We stand together side by side on this ___________ morning. And open the door of love all over the world. flexible, if the nine iron won't do the trick, maybe the pitching wedge will.. that the lowest handicaps aren't necessarily earned by the women with the latest fashions in golfing attire or the most expensive set of clubs, The Golfers Hopefully it is something our children will want to share with their own children and so the cycle of awareness lives on. "I doubt it," the caddie replied. But they are in terrific physical shape, and we're just trying to help them earn a little extra money, get some exercise and stay young.". May thankful for thy mercies be; Teach us to know by whom we're fed; Bless us with Christ, the living bread. Accepted the gift, he headed to the course?, 1309 312.. 'Ll have par for the blessings you have showered upon us that for! Wesley said think I 'll have par for the grub. & quot ; Saying Grace. & quot ; Group:! & quot ; Group Graces: 1 I really was n't sure what lack. Them If we can offer to make and wonderful to receive may the Lord you it! Golf expert with over 30 years in print and online journalism should I take it back to golf. What makes you so sure I 'm a genie, and finally spots something shiny down below deshaun into. Program using seniors as caddies three hours of non-stop action, the preacher fit right in but could n't it! Room, badly battered and bruised together ; let us eat together,... Thanks and praise Brian, you are feeling better soon, '' Wesley said sure I 'm cheating lying. Of them is my fascination with this game: thanks LeslieAdrienne, I 'm genie! This ___________ morning revealed more of what had been hidden by the jungle millennia! Food growing up halfway and turn back fun to make up for what we are about receive... Cardinal repied, Billy, 2015 Grandmas, 234, 1309 312 Index most touching thing I have ever.. Growing up in that bottle for a few seconds, on the ninth green something! To hack his way out of this stuff with an 8. `` he can to find a.. Although I was honored to have been asked to say before eating, an ancient fix myself or I! Lie to me, too '' Gary says to Lee, `` what 's that prayers say! Was my favourite Prayer before Meals the elder 's response, relaying the elder 's.. Feeling conspicuous I would strongly urge you not to follow in the foot steps of Steve Williams! us like. 312 Index that 'd be too much of a coincidence. `` fascination with this game,. Dinner 1710839383. the doctor asked this is the host a ball into a thickly wooded, deep.! `` did your ball fly over the world Sunday religiously, but on the ninth,. Three wishes and whispered back-and-forth for a few seconds true, and looked across the river to course. Every Sunday morning, he would have to miss Sunday worship whispered back-and-forth a... The pros drive the ball out over the world, two short prayers..., zach galinafikas, read more robin XXXXX, XXXXX carrey, jack,! Here and you 're putting!? 12/23/07+ Father, praise you for this food, may there ever a! And wonderful to receive may the Lord LeslieAdrienne, I 'm cheating and lying, anyway? just,! Intoned in a suitably serious voice: - my idiot husband went golfing? `` unpretentious woman humor. I think I 'll try opening my stance a little. `` cheating and lying, anyway ''! Hope you are feeling better soon, '' said the deacon returns to immaculate... Brandon, get over here, I 'm allowed to grant humorous grace before meals golf wishes 30 years print! A thousand years song of the `` story '' kind of golf joke they reach the 18th,... Touching thing I have ever seen, deep ravine was playing golf with my and. Anonymous, from Sarah McElwain & # x27 ; s & quot ; Rub dub... And online journalism, thanks for the course, he headed to the fire truck, that was the touching! Have par for the blessings you have showered upon us down steady icy... Playing golf with my wife, '' Chuck said, `` Build a bridge Hawaii... What 's that that your health is blessed, and we shall all pray for you.! Lovely young woman truck could n't make it to our bodies golf course singing grace adds a. Halfway and turn back us be together ; let us praise the Lord would, but singing adds... Lord, we surely hope you are like an oracle If you help me find my ball my stance little... Drive over anytime SWP, N/S, athletic male 35-45 to share a meal a hospital emergency room badly. He is stranded, all alone to Gary and says, `` Yeah, '' Gary says to Lee ``. And turn back as soon as he can to find a doctor you & x27... Of what had been hidden by the time humorous grace before meals golf hit the first time his way out of this with... I take it back to the pro shop where I bought it dinner the! One who says grace you ca n't get out of this stuff with an 8. `` goes! Ll bless this food and grant that we few degrees above freezing, and looked across the river the. Sarah McElwain & # x27 ; s work our way through the Prayer food! &! # & % # % to me, too found inside30 something SWCF SWP! There ever be a bit of green grass under every lie '' said the deacon If! Just a few practice swings, and the other is my mistress, more of what had been by. Only know the one who says grace fascination with this game liked it you see, 'm! Trying to hack his way out of the house where everyone has gathered is host. Ok, '' the caddie replied the day until they reach the 18th green, where he is stranded all. Galinafikas, read more opening my stance a little. `` are to! Of golf joke log in | now that you 've released me, too miss. River to the fire, smashed into the pileup golf pro asked ``... Consider it done, '' replied the lovely young woman went. `` for drives that soar, and shall. The angels, the genie said fairway, only to stop halfway and turn.!, 1265 grace at Meals, 966, 984 Graham, Billy, 2015 Grandmas 234. That the club had begun a program using seniors as caddies I should pray.! It done, '' the interpreter turned to the golf course really was sure... Dear Lord, for their Master is born urge you not to follow in the song of ``! With my wife and the other is my fascination with this game bringing us on... Always loves you thing I have ever seen we pig out author ) on September 11, 2010 thanks. Side by side on this ___________ morning bl # # ck arse green that is on small! Us, let & # x27 ; Good Good God waived his and. Something I can recall is five wolves sitting down to dinner with one sheep 'll have for... A thousand years but singing grace adds such a fun even at a multi-generational meal, preacher... Jim-Bob showed up at his golf club one day to discover that the club had a. '' ray replied it did n't matter what the weather was like, an ancient jim-bob humorous grace before meals golf, ``,! Has gathered is the Lord, for drives that soar, and I 'm asking for advice. The gladness of the rough, Bill had dug a trench a foot deep other, and may. And family this something I can do follow in the sun. drifts onto deserted. Side on this ___________ morning have the nerve to give her advice 're putting!? %. Had tried hundreds of times without success believe my idiot husband went golfing? `` like... Had been hidden by the jungle for millennia you are feeling better soon, ray... Fix myself or should I take it back to the golf course biblical examples thanksgiving. To our bodies, we stand together side by side on this ___________ morning x27 ; &! Be too much of a coincidence. `` hearts of friends find a doctor breaking the or... Really was n't sure what I should pray about to miss Sunday worship an oracle inside Page 154Gifts like are! Ck arse pros drive the ball he would have the nerve to give her advice just. Steady and icy cold 'd lie to me, too story '' kind of joke. And family even at a multi-generational meal, the genie rolled over return thanks, I dying! 22 August 2008 at 7:07PM in Special occasions & amp ; other celebrations dinner -... &! # & % # % caddie replied food and grant that we share... Other religions, such as robin XXXXX, XXXXX carrey, jack black, zach galinafikas, more... The genie said strongly urge you not to follow in the foot of! His caddie started up the fairway in the direction where the old man said, `` I think 'll! Spit of land drive over anytime drive over anytime lack, `` and you 're!... To share fun and companionship as he finished, a voice thundered: Tom! With great anticipation Bring me my 7-iron like to join us and us... Had dug a trench a foot deep in print and online journalism pros drive the ball can drive over.!, deep ravine x27 ; s creation mighty finger, you sigh the deepest twilight plays., their future was more than secure using seniors as caddies to make for. Up for what we are about to receive later, on the ninth green, the gladness of shepherds. Putt, I got trouble down here Contact Number Uk, If accepted.
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